**** COMPLETELY FREE! ****
Released on November 1, 2005
PocketPC: Direct Download
Windows: Direct download
K&G Arcade Flash intro movie
Ok, here's the scoop...
In K&G Arcade you play the part of Henry Miller. mild-mannered farmer
from jolly-old 17th-century England. One night you hear strange sounds in
your fields, and when you go to investigate you find you are not alone...
Suddenly, a strange light appears in the sky above you. It grows ever larger
as it nears. It is a strange flying object that you cannot identify. It is
round on top with a spinning disc beneath and yellow orbs dancing around
it's outer surface. What could it be
Why, it's Krelmac & Gentoo of course!
Turns out those two goofball tormentors have decided to go back in time to
annoy the human race at a time when we were even more primitive than they
say we are in Krelmac & Gentoo's own time. More to the point they, they
decide to run YOU through the ringer!
So, they beam you aboard their ship, give you a few anal probes for good
measure, and send you out to escape from their ship. You will have to make
your way through all five levels of the ship in order to escape their
Being sick, sadistic alien torturers, it's not quite as easy as it sounds...
Each level of the ship is a complex maze, and within these mazes are gaming
consoles, five per level. You must find and play each of the games. More
importantly, you must achieve a given minimum score on each game. Once you
have beaten all five games, you will be able to access the teleporter pad
and move on to the next level.
These are, however, not exactly normal robots. Not that you would know that
being from 17th-century England, but anyway...
These robots were a failed science fair project by Gentoo, and they cannot
move around the ship normally. They instead utilize a rather unique mode of
transportation called a Quantum Sub-Temporal Inter-Spatial Displacement
Modulation Field Generator, or QSTISDMFG for short. Put in terms a lame
human could understand, it means they teleport in discrete units from place
to place. This makes them less than perfect killing machines, a failing
Gentoo greatly regrets, but it DOES make them highly unpredictable since
their movements are essentially random, and they are generally a nuisance.
Their touch is deadly though, so they aren't to be taken too lightly. You
can take a few hits from them, but after too many, bye-bye!
Some of the mini-games are virtually impossible to win at, which might at
first seem like a problem, but there is always a way...
Krelmac has been a bit careless in the past when tormenting other creatures.
He has left some of them on the levels of the ship with you, one on each
level, by some bizarre coincidence of wacky cosmic numerology. Seek them
out! You will have to talk to them, and gain their trust by saying the right
things at the right time. Everything you say effects their trust level,
either making them more trusting or less trusting (or having no effect), and
you can see this by the expression on their faces. If they start to distrust
you, they will run away and you'll have to try again later. If you get them
to trust you though, you can ask them for a special hint that will help you
beat the "impossible" games.
Lastly, as you progress through the mini-games in Adventure mode, the games
that you achieve the minimum score in will be unlocked to play in Mini-Game
Melee mode. This allows you to play any game you have unlocked in timed mode
or until you say stop.
That's about it folks. Enjoy your anal probe!
More funnier than anything you've ever
A humorous storyline featuring Krelmac & Gentoo (if you are unaware
of them, may we suggest a visit to the Invasion: Trivia product page?
More specifically, the Flash introduction to Krelmac & Gentoo)
More variety than an Entenmann's donut
25 mini-games in total, spread out over five levels of robot-dodging
Three cinematic scenes to further along the story and make you laugh.
Two modes of play: Adventure Mode and Mini-Game Melee. Adventure Mode
is the story-driven part of the game, and is also the mechanism that
allows you to unlock mini-games to play in Mini-Game Melee mode, which
is where you can play any mini-game you have unlocked to your heart's
content in either timed mode like you play during the Adventure Mode
or "Until I Say Stop".
Control scheme that doesn't suck (maybe- it's
up to you actually)
Completely mappable key layout to allow for comfortable play on any
Big-time fun, small-time requirements
Low memory footprint (under 3MB storage space and approximately 8MB
program memory to run)
Wacky sound effects and original music to thrill your auditory sense.
Graphics from the FUTURE!
Hyper-realistic poly-mesh trans-constituated ultra Z^2-buffering
MERC-mapped graphics that will absolutely push the limits of an Abacus!
Really, you think Halo 2 looks good? You ain't seen nothin' yet! We've
got more textures than you can shake a stick at! Average FPS on even a
three-year old PocketPC will be upwards of a gigaquad per cyclic
rotational period which means that your brain will literally EXPLODE in
response to what your eyes see! Please note that Etherient is not
responsible for the mess your cranial occupant makes as it splatters on
the wall of your apartment as it runs for cover from the astoundlingly
amazing sights it tries to process while playing this game. Crackhead
Creations may be responsible, but we tend to doubt it knowing them.
By the way, historically, K&G Arcade had its own web site, and for
posterity, here it is